Navigating Conflict with Flatmates and Friends

ResLife Top Tips for Conflict Resolution

Living with new people at university is exciting and the beginning of a new chapter. It is completely normal to feel nervous. Residence Life are here to help you with the transition to independent and communal living.

We understand that living away from home and balancing your studies can be overwhelming and sometimes this can lead to conflicts with those around you. In ResLife we don’t believe that conflict is inherently bad or that there is necessarily a right or wrong side but rather that there are people who have feelings and needs and can’t figure out how to meet them together.

A need isn’t just something like a bed or quiet or a clean kitchen. It is more than that. A need is something that all people must have to do well and feelings are often intelligent ways for our bodies to let us know our needs aren’t being met. Although there are some basic human needs, each individual will also prioritise their needs differently. 

Some examples of needs are: community, safety, security, empathy, inclusion, awareness, celebration, stability and, to be seen and understood

You can see more about needs and feeling in the diagram below:

A good way to approach resolution when you are in conflict with someone is by using something called “Nonviolent Communication”. With this, there are four main principles in conflict resolution

1. Observe what is happening
2. Notice how we are feeling
3. Notice what needs might not be met (see the tree above)
4. And then make a request to the other

A practical way of doing this is by using WINA. WINA stands for:

1. When (focus on the situation and what happened rather than blame)
2. I feel (it could be helpful to use the diagram above for these steps)
3. I need
4. Can I Ask

Examples of using WINA

When the dishes are left not done for multiple days, I feel irritated and uncomfortable. I need communication, equality and order so can I ask you to do your dishes within 24 hours please

It might be helpful to think this through or even write down what you want to say before you talk to the other person. 

If you try this and don’t get a resolution or if it feels overwhelming to do alone, you can reach out to the Welfare team for support!